DISCIPLINE

DISCIPLINE

Discipline is making necessary and realistic rules and limits for your children as a means of keeping them safe. Discipline fosters self-control and an ability to form pro-social skills that are grounded in respect for Self, and respect for others.
Discipline helps your child:

⦁ Learn societal norms and respect the boundaries of others
⦁ It keeps them safe
⦁ It creates feelings of security for them
⦁ Helps in forming positive relationships with others
⦁ Fosters confidence and a willingness to try new things (unlike punishment that breeds fear, anxiety, and ruptures self-confidence)

Children tend to act out when they are tired, hungry, bored, confused, don’t want to stop doing an enjoyable activity, find themselves in unfamiliar environments, and a host of other instances. It is helpful for parents/caregivers to remind themselves that developmentally, children’s worlds tend to focus solely on their personal needs (read: they are not purposely trying to wear down your patience!); their brain processes are developing for many more years to come.

An effective means of discipline is to try to aim for natural consequences when correcting behaviour. A natural consequence is anything that happens naturally with no adult interference. When you go out in the rain without rain gear, you get wet. When you don’t eat, you get hungry. You get the idea. When you child is unhappy about being wet or hungry after you tried to persuade them into a different choice (“grab your boots, it’s wet out there!”) resist the urge to lecture, scold, shame, or utter “I told you so” (ugh ) when their socks are wet. Choosing natural consequences as a form of discipline does require patience on the part of the parent/caregiver (insert groan here). Demanding a child to “put your darn boots on, already” [so they don’t catch pneumonia] may feel as though it makes sense in the moment, but oftentimes a child does not understand why you are making such a demand. They simply do not possess the life experience to grasp the repercussions of choosing the “cool” (but inappropriate) Superman sneakers over gumboots. They are all about immediate gratification. They can be fearful of your impatience and thus act out in resistant ways.

Children are more likely to agree and cooperate when they understand and feel considered in decision-making processes cooperate (kind of like us adults ).
A means of fostering an understanding of natural consequences is to get your child thinking of repercussions beforehand. Try this activity:
On pieces of paper, write down common parent-child power struggles such as:

⦁ Child won’t get out of bed and ready for school in the morning
⦁ Child won’t help with kitchen cleanup/chores
⦁ Child chooses to not give an adequate amount of time for a school project
⦁ Other

For each power struggle scenario, both you and your child come up with at least one natural consequence for not having done what you asked your child to do. What this does is help your child to cultivate critical thinking and planning skills.

Of course, not every power-struggle between a parent and child can be given the natural consequence approach – some instances of having a natural consequence play out can be downright dangerous. Use you own discretion. But sometimes, the discomfort you may feel in the moment, can lead to long-long positive impact for your child.
Take this scenario for example:
Your child is refusing to get dressed for school in the morning.
Let him/her know that you will be taking them whether they are dressed or not. When the time comes, walk him/her to the bus or car in their PJ’s and let them get dressed en route to school.
If you are someone who feels societal pressure to appear to have this parenting thing all-together, I urge you to reassess what “parenting done right” looks like in actuality. Your child going out in public in bed attire may be embarrassing for you in the short-term, but the long-term reward is that your child can become more self-sufficient by developing time-management skills.
Final note: do you really want to be cajoling your child out of the house when they are a young adult? I can guarantee your child’s future significant other will thank you for parenting with the natural consequence approach – no one wants to “parent” their life partner!

~Christine